Double-Sided Coin

Sometimes I don't know where my personal life ends and my musical life begins.  But for some reason, I have this notion that they should be two separate things.  Almost like a crime-fighter and an alter-ego.

I know that in order to get ahead as a musician, I have to schmooze, network, be social, etc.  But in all actuality, I like my privacy.  I like the idea of sharing parts of my life with the people who are closest to me.  I like seclusion sometimes.

But lately, I feel that I have to merge both parts of myself to achieve my own definition of success.

And I don't know how much I like that.

Music is a part of me.  It's a part of both sides of me.  Creating is what I have always done and what I will always do.  Which makes me wonder why I have a problem joining both sides of myself in order to facilitate the journey of success?

I live by the idea that you live and act in accordance with the job & title you want, and not the ones you have.  Which, in essence, means that I have to act like a musician that has already made it before I can actually become one.  On the other side of this scenario, I feel as though I am too humble to shove my art into the faces of what my personal side knows as "friends."  I use quotation marks around friends, because as a musician, they should conversely be my first "fans."  And I hate the idea of those two things being synonymous.  Which they would be...  If I would let my musician self and my personal self become one entity.

What do I do?  Do I forever separate the two sides of myself, thus making the journey toward becoming a successful musician even harder than it already is?  Or should I just give in and essentially try and let the pseudo-celeb-reality influence the way I live my life?

I understand that both sides of this coin are essentially "me," but I feel that the joining of me and me will equate to something entirely different.  And that scares me.