Irrational

It's been too long since the last blog.

I just wanted to discuss the irrational fear of what could be considered the impending loss of my creativity.

I know it sounds silly to think that I may begin writing terrible music, but there is a small voice in the back of my head that says, "If you don't get the good songs launched to super-stardom now, you're talent is only going downhill from here."

It's like knowing  you have reached the prime of your life and there is nothing left but mediocrity.  I know I haven't hit that point yet.  And in all actuality, that point probably doesn't exist.  But I do fear the "What if?"

I do notice that some of the passion has dwindled over the years.  Things don't feel the same.  I do miss the sensation of songwriting in its early years.  I guess the trade-off comes with the idea that I don't miss those songs I wrote years ago.  The knowledge grows and the passion dwindles.  I write better songs, but I need some new stimulus.

I guess that's where releasing albums and playing big shows comes in.  I'm trying my very best to write as many songs as I can (hopefully good songs) to compile an LP to put out.  And I want to make it huge!  I want to sell hundreds of copies.  I want to plan a CD release show!  I want to have it reviewed by critics!

I guess I want to play rockstar even though I'm really just masquerading.

Conversely, I stand by the principle that you should dress for the job you want and not the job you have.

So I guess that if I act according to the notion that I have "made it," then maybe I will actually make it some day soon.


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