Sometimes I don't know where my personal life ends and my musical life begins. But for some reason, I have this notion that they should be two separate things. Almost like a crime-fighter and an alter-ego.
I know that in order to get ahead as a musician, I have to schmooze, network, be social, etc. But in all actuality, I like my privacy. I like the idea of sharing parts of my life with the people who are closest to me. I like seclusion sometimes.
But lately, I feel that I have to merge both parts of myself to achieve my own definition of success.
And I don't know how much I like that.
Music is a part of me. It's a part of both sides of me. Creating is what I have always done and what I will always do. Which makes me wonder why I have a problem joining both sides of myself in order to facilitate the journey of success?
I live by the idea that you live and act in accordance with the job & title you want, and not the ones you have. Which, in essence, means that I have to act like a musician that has already made it before I can actually become one. On the other side of this scenario, I feel as though I am too humble to shove my art into the faces of what my personal side knows as "friends." I use quotation marks around friends, because as a musician, they should conversely be my first "fans." And I hate the idea of those two things being synonymous. Which they would be... If I would let my musician self and my personal self become one entity.
What do I do? Do I forever separate the two sides of myself, thus making the journey toward becoming a successful musician even harder than it already is? Or should I just give in and essentially try and let the pseudo-celeb-reality influence the way I live my life?
I understand that both sides of this coin are essentially "me," but I feel that the joining of me and me will equate to something entirely different. And that scares me.